Bus rides & Rainbow flags

My 11-year-old daughter came home last week and told me that a child on the bus asked her this question; “Are you a Christian?”  

We didn't really have a church home when my kids were little.  I left my position with a ministry where I had been serving for several years when she was about 5 months old.  Though our intentions were to find a church for our growing family, we were in a process of evaluating our ministry experiences and reconsidering what we believed and how we wanted that piece of our life to look for our family. We continued to visit various churches yet struggled to find our rhythm in a place of worship that we felt was a safe space for our evolving thoughts about God and church.  Even without a typical “Sunday morning" church, faith has always been in our home, and my kids have always had the BEST questions and observations about God.

My daughter especially has a beautiful spirit and curiosity about God.  It seems that as soon as she could talk, she would ask big, deep theological questions in her little people language.  I treasured these moments with my mini-me and would post them on social media with the hashtag #toddlertheology so I could document and keep these memories as the kids grew up.  Her depth of curiosity and wonder would usually bring a chuckle, and the innocence and purity of the Sprit in her continues to keep me in awe.

"There is only one God, how can he be everywhere? And how can he be in all the peoples' hearts if he is only one God? Are there lots of little Gods to live in everyone's hearts?” #toddlertheology

"Why do we say 'men', in AMEN instead of ‘women’? Is it because Jesus is a boy? Is God a boy or a girl?" #toddlertheology

"Mommy why is this sock pink and this sock purple? Is that how God made them? God is good at painting socks!" #toddlertheology

"Is Jesus in my heart mom...how did he get in there? Is he in my elbow too? How does he BREATHE in there?" #toddlertheology

She even asked me one time when she was about three years old if I’d "ever been to God’s House”? She then told me how "colorful it is and that that it has lots of lights and beds in it, even one for me and her dad." She said, “It’s big! Maybe you can go there when you’re a baby again!” #toddlertheology

My toddler theologian is now a preteen. The questions have gotten more complex over the years, yet I still sit in awe of her depth and commitment to wonder and find her own way along her spiritual path. This past year she started to attend youth group at church and even went to a Christian camp this past summer for the first time. We often talk about the spiritual things she is learning about and several times she has told me that she isn’t sure what she completely believes yet. Honestly, it’s one of my favorite things about this beautiful, brave human that I am raising.  It isn’t my job as her mom to tell her what to think about God and spirituality, it’s my job to teach her how to think.  

Which is exactly why she captured my attention in sharing her experience with this other kid on the bus last week. “Are you a Christian?”

I could sense my daughter’s uncertainty as she told me that she hesitantly told this child that “Yes ...I’m a Christian.” Truthfully, I was a little surprised as I know my kid and how complex that question felt to her.  I was both curious and proud, filled with lots of my own questions and wonder about what that meant to her.

My stomach dropped as she continued sharing the rest of the conversation with me. The other child followed up her first question with a series of others that involved her trying to educate my daughter and anyone who would listen about how terrible the “rainbow flag” is and how God was against it. "Did (my daughter) know that it was wrong?"

I could feel the blood rush to my face as I sat and listened to my kiddo process this out loud. I kept the rage I was feeling at bay and held safe, sacred space for the pain and deep disappointment we both were feeling.  I was filled with pride when she told me that she did her best to explain that the rainbow flag represents people, and God loves everyone. She tried to explain in her best effort that LGBTQIA+ is simply people who may have a family or identity that looks different than a typical “mom and a dad” or "boy or girl". She told her that in our church it’s ok for families to have same sex spouses or two moms or two dads and God isn’t against anyone. The hate-filled monologue continued as the child wasn't looking for conversation but rather a soapbox and an audience.

My daughter shared with me her concern of our friends and family members as she realized the damage and danger that these words could do to the people she knows and dearly loves. We talked about the other kids on the bus who might identify as queer and how terrible it must be to hear someone say such awful things. After my daughter finished sharing the complexities she was feeling, she asked me a simple question.

“Is this really what it is to be a ‘Christian’? If it is, I don’t want to be one.” 

I am furious at this child’s parents and all the churches that hold so tight to this kind of hate filled theology. I am heartbroken that these are the conversations happening among children about God on the school bus. I am sad and discouraged that I had to explain to my child that historically not all "Christian" teachings have reflected the love and message of Jesus. I told her that this is the work of God, to fix the narrative.  

What we believe about God and how we model those beliefs is the most important thing about us. It determines how we think and act.  What we think about God is the very lens that we see the world through and communicates to others what we believe about the people around us. What we think about God is shaping tomorrow. We have to be willing to consider that our beliefs are dictating to this generation a concept of who God is and what hope they have for the future. 

I’m still mad. Honestly, I hope I never stop being mad, especially as a person of faith and a leader in my faith community. It isn't just about the children.  The entire world is wrestling on some level with understanding who God is and how to show up and be a person who leaves the world a better place than we found it. This is the work of God.

Last week it was a bus ride and rainbow flags, this week it is going to be something else. The narrative of God is being created and communicated to the world in every conversation and interaction we have with one another, every day. My hope is that when we show up in the world that we carry with us an understanding of God that reflects hope and creates a safe space for everyone at the table (and on the bus).